So, I haven't been updating, because honestly, I've not been doing very well. And, when I don't do well, I don't want to own up to it, I want to hide. There, I said it. My carb addiction is back in full force...and I'm not happy about it. Well, wait...I'm happy as far as it makes me happy to fulfill that craving. But, I'm not happy with how I feel -- at all. Periodically, I'll remember some of you letting me know that you are praying daily for me. I feel I've let you down. I've taken those prayers neither into consideration nor to heart. I do appreciate it, though, and please, don't stop!
Last Friday afternoon, i was sitting at work and honestly felt like I was having a heart attack. My chest was aching with pain on both sides. I was on the verge of going to the hospital, but fortunately, it turned out to be a really bad case of heartburn. Sorry to be gross...but at least I wasn't dying! ;) I didn't say anything to my co-workers, because I didn't want it to be real. (So, I'll just sit here and fall out of my chair while clutching my chest. It's really no big deal. Smart, huh?)
Saw a video of myself from an event at church this past Sunday night, and that didn't help, either. I know my true friends don't judge me by my size, but it's so right-there-in-your-face. A wonderful friend of mine has referred hubby and I to a nutritionist, and get this...our appointment is 8 years to the day after my gastric bypass surgery. How...ironic? How...depressing. BUT, I just have to get up again, right? I've fought this monster since I was 5, for 30 years...can't stop now, right? I can't let it win. I can't die young just because I'm in love with food. I can't give it the control over me. As much of a control freak as I am, you'd think I'd be so obsessive about what I eat and my weight. I still think there are some underlying issues as to why I eat like I do. I honestly believe the whole carb addiction theory, but I also believe there's an emotional side to this, too. I just never have been able to find it. I did pick up a book that I've been reading -- "Made to Crave" by Lisa with Proverbs 31 Ministries. I can relate to her ALOT.
I just have to remember, I can do this. The question is "WILL I?"
